Awesome Super Powers for Girls

with Neva Lee Recla

Awesome Super Powers for Girls with Susan Harrow

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Hi kids, this is your Super Power Kid, Neva Lee Recla. And today, I’m super excited for this interview. We’re interviewing Susan Harrow, did I pronounce that right?

You did.

And she created True Shield verbal self defense training. And this is going to be an awesome interview. So we’re going to be talking with Susan today about awesome super powers for girls. So without further ado, will you help me welcome our guest, Susan Harrow. Hi, Susan.

Hi, Neva.

How are you?

I’m great. I love that this is about girls, too. Because now is the time, I mean we are having our time for girls, aren’t we? We’re in the shining light of it. And now with all of the students organizing themselves, it’s not just girls, those are not just girls. But I just think it’s really time for kids, and students, and girls, to see what their powers are. Because they might not even know their super powers.

Yep, I agree. It’s time to find out what your super powers are.

Yes.

Right. So speaking of which, what are your super powers?

Awesome Super Powers for Girls

I really love knowing and understanding people.

I think my biggest one is curiosity. I would say that I really love knowing and understanding people. So some people might say I’m a little nosy, I’ve definitely been called nosy. But I remember when I was at this placed called Mayacamas, and I was really intrigued by this woman who was an artist. I was a little intimidated by her, and I really wanted to talk to her. And when I started talking to her, I was just fascinated. And she leaned into me and she said, “Oh my God, you’re not actually just waiting for me to stop so you can talk. You’re really listening to me.”

And I think it’s kind of a lost art. That we listen to each other without thinking about what we’re going to say, or how we look, or how we’re coming across. And really focus on 100% being in the moment with that person. And it sounds really obvious, but it’s actually kind of rare. It’s something that people always talk about with the Dalai Lama. It’s his presence, and people feel seen, and understood, and loved. And I think when we listen deeply to questions, people really get that.

I agree. I agree. So what advice do you, I’m reading my paper, what advice do you have for anyone, or mostly girls. If someone comes us and touch them in the boob area, or their butt?

Yeah. So the first thing is, don’t let anyone get that close. So start to be aware of your surroundings, so you can see when somebody’s approaching you and getting too close, and you want to create that distance. So sometimes it happens so fast that we can’t have done anything to it. So if somebody’s hand is on your boob, like up here, let’s do it this way. You can grab their hand, and twist their wrist, and pull it off this way like that. If it happens so fast and they were to have grabbed you, then you want to use your voice and say, “No. Stop it, let me go. Don’t do that.” And use your eyes, and use your voice, and use your whole body to push them away. And to make it clear that it’s not okay to be touched.

True, I agree. Or you could also use the pinky grab, I saw that on your video.

Yeah, the pinky grab. Yeah I actually grabbed the whole hand, but you can definitely grab just the pinky and pull it. Because any girl can do that, it doesn’t take strength or skill. So you grab the pinky and twist it like this, and ow, ow, ow, that really hurts.

Yeah. But also you have to make sure to ask them first to see if they were doing it intentionally or if they bumped into you, you know?

You know, that’s a judgment call, you’re right. Sometimes you go, oh if somebody accidentally brushed your butt or your boob, you’re not going to do that. And so you can usually tell if it’s intentional, or if it’s an accident. Or if they just pretended that it’s an accident, we don’t want to let that go. Yeah, you want to address it.

Yep. Because I was watching the video that you made about the pinky grab. And because you need to go gentle, because you don’t know if it’s an accident. Because if it’s someone attacking you, you can easily break their pinky.

That’s exactly right.

But it’s different if it’s like a bump.

You want to use the appropriate force necessary. So if it’s a friend of yours, and a guy who just did it to be funny. You want to just make sure that it hurts a little. You obviously don’t want to break somebody’s finger in that case. Just to get the message across. So using common sense about that. There’s not only one way to do it, and that’s one of the issues that’s going on in the Me Too Movement right now, right? It’s like the punishment should fit the “Crime.” So it’s not the same thing somebody accidentally brushing your boob as it is being sexually assaulted and/or doing something much greater than that. So we really need to take that into consideration and use our common sense.

I agree. Because during it, because if they think it’s funny, that’s not okay. They deserve to know that.

That’s exactly right. And so that’s more education than it is punishment that you’re going to call the police.

True.

Yeah.

I agree. So what advice do you have for people if a bully threatens them for some reason? Threatens them that they’re going to hurt their family, or hurt someone they care about? What advice do you have?

Yeah, that’s a great question. Because I think that happens more, and more. One of the first things that you want to do is don’t give it any energy. And that might sound counter intuitive. But the more that you engage, the more the energy is exchanged between you.

Exactly.

Yeah. So the less that you, even just ignore it like you didn’t even hear it. That’s one of the most effective ways to stop. Because there’s not any reinforcement from the bully. Because if they get any kind of reaction from you, whether it’s positive or negative, that’s still energy exchange.

Exactly.

Yeah. So ignoring, if you can, just you can even act like you didn’t hear it.

Just walk away.

Yeah. You didn’t even hear it, you didn’t even know, just walk away. That’s it.

Just go find one of your friends and talk to them.

That’s exactly right. That’s a great point too, to not just stand there. You don’t just walk away or just turn away. You go and you do something, and you go about your business. And you take your body, and your mind, and your spirit off into another direction that has nothing to do with them.

Exactly. And I was watching a video, and it was your video where you share the story about the blind person who went in for a hug at the cafeteria. And it reminded me of a time where there was this one woman who was attracted to my energy. And so whenever she saw me, she had to hug me. And I would give my mom a massage, or hide behind her chair because being hugged all the time isn’t that fun.

Especially by people you don’t know or you don’t like that well, right?

Yeah, exactly. But I liked what advice you were giving, just say, “No thank you.” And you can walk away, or you can just walk back, or act like you’re going to give them a handshake. Just go …

That’s right, and that’s creating the distance. And that’s really important, because like what you said. If you don’t, it doesn’t matter who it is. If you don’t want it, you have every right to say no. Even if it’s a relative. If you don’t want to be hugged by a relative in that moment, that is your right. And it’s your body, and it’s your decision at all times. Even if other people say to you, “Oh Neva, what’s wrong with a little hug?” Or, “It’s your uncle, or it’s your priest, or it’s your teacher.” You can stand your ground and say, “No thank you.” Yeah.

Like even if it’s your best friend or your…

Even if it’s your best friend.

Even if it’s your cousin, and they go up to hug you. And you go, “No thank you, I don’t want to hug right now.” And everyone around you is saying, “Oh why aren’t you giving them a hug? They’re your cousin.” It’s your right, your boundaries. You don’t have to be hugged if you don’t want to be hugged.

And you don’t have to give any kind of excuse either. You don’t need to add anything once you’ve made your statement, like “No thank you.” Again you gave the advice to turn around and walk away. Go do something else. Don’t hang around in that area to get into a conversation. Because again, that’s an engagement in energy. Once you’ve said your peace, go off and do what it is you want to do. So you don’t have to continue the conversation.

I agree. Because saying no to them, and then trying to speak with them. That’s just like wait, what? It’s kind of confusing. It’s setting off energy like you didn’t want to hug them, but you want to talk to them.

Awesome Super Powers for Girls

When you’re meeting a friend that you really love, you’re very open.

Right. And it gives them the opportunity to you, or to bug you, or to tease you, or to keep on doing that in the same vein. It gives them another opportunity. And what you’re doing is just cutting off the opportunity. There is no further opportunity. You can even, if you’re thinking about when you start to really feel it, you can pull your energy in. So you can push your energy out, and you can pull your energy in once you start to become aware of that.

When you’re like, you already know how to do it. When you’re meeting a friend that you really love, you’re very open, and you already sort of connecting with them. It’s that feeling that you’re doing with people. So you already know how to do that. And if you’re scared … our energy automatically gets pulled in. So start to notice that and how you are using your energy even in a situation like that. Because you can just pull it right in, and pull it right back. And then use your body and your everything and just walk away.

Yep, I agree. So I think we have to take a quick break. But we’ve been talking with Susan Harrow about awesome super powers for girls. We’ll be right back.