I was talking to my neighbor next door who works for a famous matchmaking firm. She’s a warm and cozy person who people feel comfortable with right away. She has a knack for putting people at ease — including celebrities, princesses and the rich beyond imagination, who are her clients.
Want to listen to this as an audio with lots of extra juicy details? Here you go.
But they all have the same problem we all have. They are looking for love. Yes, sometimes in the wrong places — or with the wrong people or they are focused on the wrong things – like stating that his dates couldn’t have wrinkly, flabby arms – which was a deal breaker for one wealthy patron who was not having any luck with the ladies.
But what my neighbor noticed was that many of her clients didn’t have some skills necessary to connect with potential mates. How to make significant small talk, when to hold eye contact, what constituted appropriate touch, ways to keep a conversation going to find common interests, how to get to that “click.”
Furthermore they missed social cues, and were woefully unaware how they were perceived. (Like one man, a real snoozer, who kept saying how dynamic and engaging he was who put everyone in the office to sleep!)
Perception is reality in both media appearances and in personal relationships.
Which got me thinking about how much fun it would be to coach people who are looking for love but not having any luck — meaning that “the one” or even “the fun one of the moment” was eluding them. Which is essentially what I do everyday with people (clients and course participants) during media coaching or video training, so their audiences (hundreds, thousands, millions of people) and the media (reporters and producers) love them.
So why not extend this training the land of love?
What prompted me to share this with you?
While talking to my neighbor I got a little spark. I thought, gee, would be so delighted to coach her clients on their facial, body, verbal language (+ tone – so important!) so could let their true selves shine through the nervousness and anxiety, the sweaty palms, the fidgeting, the mean voices in their heads, so they could relax and just be themselves — while being an excellent listener who can “read” the situation and respond, creating a deep connection instantly.
In some ways it’s a thought experiment that’s not unique, but the author, Pam Grout, makes a compelling case backed by science, about how to do it. (And in a very conversational and quick read way).
So, I’m giving it a try. (Although I do this all the time in various forms this was a bit of a new challenge).
If any of you would like an hour or two of coaching on camera (via Skype) to role-play potential dating – or domestic scenarios (you’re in a relationship that you’d like to grow the love, kindness, fun, sexiness). I’m offering a limited amount of sessions – 5 max.
Because the usual minimum fee to hire me for $2000 for 4 hours there is no initial consult as these sessions are 1-2 hours only.
So you decide whether this is something you feel is right for you. (Did you get a zing? A full-body yes? Watch for it. Feel for it. Because we often ignore these inklings that guide us toward the right next step.)
You can hop on over here to purchase 1-2 hours (enter either $500 or $1000 in the appropriate field) and one of my team will get back to you ASAP to schedule a time for us to talk on camera from your home or office (via Skype).
Be sure to put “LOVE” in the comments box so I know what kind of consult you want.
Prefer to listen to the rest this as an audio with lots of extra juicy details? Here you go.
One more thing…. If you’ve been thinking that you want to be more comfortable on video – for your website, tutorials, YouTube, Instagram etc. then let’s chat about how to use your personality and the camera to your advantage, connect to your audience, and of course how to Sell Yourself Without Selling Your Soul™.
Videos not only engage your audience but can be the deal maker or breaker for inviting in clients, customers and sales (and love, right?).
Some things we’ll do together:
3 secrets the top TED talk speakers use to get millions of views – that you can use in all your videos.
How to use your eyes to draw in the right audience (clients, customers, sales, opportunities) for you — and discourage time-wasters.
Methods to apply incantation and intention to tap deeply into who you are to show your true essence so you and your videos stand out—even if you’re in a highly competitive field.
The right way to use your own natural gestures that inspire audiences to like and trust you (no steeples or pyramids or fake, canned movements).
Why you absolutely shouldn’t read a script (and how to get your point across gracefully and effectively).
In the near future I’ll be featuring client, course participant and Ezine subscriber’s success stories on the blog, Instagram + Facebook.
So if anything you’ve read in the Ezine or on the blog or that we did together one-on-one or in a course, that helped you directly and you would like to do a quick video about it, or send in a pic with a description — I’d be delighted to feature you — and of course link back to your website and social media channels. (Instant publicity!). Make sure to include your website URL all your social handles.
Just send me an email with a link to your video, written testimonial and attach your pic. Thank you!!
Although she’s known as an engaging speaker, trainer, author, and executive coach, Kimberly (Kim) Faith, was still terrified to be on TV.
TV appearance tips
But she did it anyway.
And to see her you wouldn’t know she was fearful or nervous. Watch her here on a major market live TV show in Seattle. Prepare to be encouraged!
One of the things that inspired Kim to go beyond her comfort zone was to tie her mission, and new book for women Your Lion Inside: Tapping Into the Power Within, with the Year of the Woman movement that was making a mark in this year’s elections.
women empowerment tips
Kim’s credentials: Kim has had the privilege to train or coach over twenty six thousand leaders from Fortune 500 companies including Amazon, American Airlines, BMW, Boeing, CVS, GE, HCA, Kimberly Clark, Lockheed Martin, Nielsen, and Target, as well as worked on licensing deals with Warner Brothers, Disney and MGM. She recently accepted an exclusive invitation to be part of Microsoft’s external faculty to train 16,000 leaders over the next two years.
If you’re thinking (like I was) “Holy Cow, that’s some resume!” How could doing a 5 minute TV interview be hard for Kim who speaks all the time to thousands of people?
Because, even with all these impressive accolades, TV was still a new and daunting experience.
For a year. I’d put pen to paper in a beautiful journal and out would pour — drivel.
Sometimes I’d write to get all the minutae out of my head. Other times I’d write a list. But the end “result” was nothing of consequence.
I mentioned the writing process we go through in Wild Writing to Sherry Richert Belul and Alison Luterman the other night as we crunched skinny french fries and sipped bubbly water at the Zuni Cafe in San Francisco with before her poetry reading at Martuni’s.
Alison said that as she was writing she was always looking to have a finished product – be it a play, a poem or a story. So to write without a “goal” wasn’t easy.
I’m was the Alison camp. Until I wasn’t. I’m not sure what happened exactly, other than I let go a little and just allowed the drivel to flow. And there was plenty of it.
And then something shifted. In my business writing too. I’m writing up a storm and creating new videos and products and stuff at such a speed I wish that there were more hours in the day!
Like this video about how to be kinder to yourself after a media appearance (or any new venture for that matter).
I’m not yet in the place where I can love my drivel.
Then today I read this in Sunil Bali’s ezine which put me on the path (another shift!)…
“The ceramics teacher announced on the first day of class, that he was dividing the class into two groups.
One half of the class would be graded solely on the quantity of work they produced, and the other half would be graded solely on the quality of their work.
On the final day of class the teacher would bring his bathroom scales and weigh the work of the quantity group: fifty pounds in weight of pots rated a Grade “A”, forty pounds a Grade “B”, and so on.
Those being graded on quality, however, needed to produce only one pot – albeit a perfect one – to get a Grade “A”.
Come grading time a curious fact emerged: the works of highest quality were all produced by the group being graded for quantity. It seems that while the quantity group was busily churning out piles of work – and learning from their mistakes – the quality group had sat theorizing about perfection, and in the end had little more to show for their efforts than grandiose theories and a not very good pot.
Whether its business, art or sport, it’s not the quest to achieve one perfect goal that makes you better, it’s the skills you develop from doing a volume of work.
Many people want to promote something — like a book or themselves. But what the most savvy entrepreneurs know is that that model isn’t scalable — because it’s your one-on-one time.
When I work with clients I encourage them to look for the intellectual property that they already have that we can convert into a course, a program, or a downloadable audio, video, printable that they can sell to dozens, hundreds or thousands.
Then, when people who have heard, read or seen you in the media come to your website they can purchase something other than your expertise and time.
Maybe you’ve wondered this yourself….
I know I’m still learning ways to be able to do this and I want to be fully transparent with you here, that although I teach this, I too can continue to learn and perfect these.
This is where more people focus. How to get more clients. But it can be short-sighted. Sure if you’re just starting out, this is your priority! But the further along you are in your business, the value is in the lifetime customer value or the length of your relationship.
It’s way easier to sell to someone who has bought from you before and it costs you nothing, versus generated new leads and converting them. Of course you want to have some focus here, but be mindful of the other two points.
The best ways to sell to more people are:
#1: get more leads
#2: increase your conversions (on sales calls, webinars, sales page, sales emails, etc)
2. You can increase the average purchase price
My simple solution to this is to raise prices. It’s a quick and easy fix, especially for the big chunk of online entrepreneurs who undervalue their programs and services.
Another suggestion for this at the event was to add upsells. This is where you make an offer on the thank you page after someone purchases from you. This is an area that I know I can work on for my launches.
Although I have used upsells in my funnels, during a launch I’ve never offered an upsell and I am leaving money on the table. I could expect to see 20% of buyers take me up on such an offer.
Another way of increasing the average purchase price is to offer a VIP option, which you’ve probably noticed I use and highly recommend. There is always a segment of your audience that wants to go deeper with you and are willing to invest at a higher price point for this.
Create a sales funnel
3. You can increase the lifetime customer value
When I worked with financial advisors, this was a goldmine of potential revenue. One of the first things I would do is help transition the way they do business. Instead of charging commission per buy or sell trade, we would transition their business to a reoccurring fee.
In the online space, you see this model being used with Membership sites.
Here are some other ways to increase the lifetime customer value:
This one came from James Wedmore. After people buy his BBD program during his launch, he sends them a thank you email along with a 20% coupon that they can use within 48 hours on his entire product suite.
Using an ascension model. Although this is more advanced and isn’t recommend when you are just starting out or at least until you have perfected one offer. An ascension model is basically a ladder of offers that lead into each other. Here’s my own example:
Strategy for creating passive profits
They are one of the best tools for building community and getting paying clients. Hands down.
But beyond that, it’s one of the best ways for your peeps to have an inside scoop and pulse on you, your business and the message you have to share with the world.
SUSAN’S INSIGHTS RE: PR + Passive Profits:
One way to build your credibility is to create your own Facebook group.
4. Host a Facebook Group.
I always teach my students, if you are a Facebook group host you want to make sure that you’re getting people from your Facebook group onto your email list as well, which is an asset you own and you can continue to market to, no matter what.
If you’re building your business off of other people’s Facebook groups, are you bringing those connections back to your community where you are in the driver seat?
Mark Zuckerberg has announced his commitment and vision in growing Meaningful Facebook Groups.
So the way I see it, they are here to stay.
And those who have a purpose or a mission behind their community, who are using their group as a tool to connect and have a greater impact, will stand strong when the current goes out.
SUSAN’S INSIGHTS RE: PR + Passive Profits:
There are some marvelous opportunities to share your knowledge within other people’s already established Facebook Groups if you don’t want to start your own so you can build your business organically and authentically using online marketing vs. traditional publicity. Here’s how.
(With a note of warning. You have no control if that host decides to shut down that group so don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Many hosts are doing that given that the changes in Facebook and perceive market saturation. Find a number of groups that cater to your ideal market).
And my takeaway to increase the lifetime customer value of my client base is to perfect and shrink down my ascension model. I will be retiring some of my own programs and narrowing my own focus to deliver the best value possible, for my clients.
Christina Jandali is a Biz growth strategist who teaches coaches to create solid cash creating strategies for their online business.
Scaling for Passive Profits Mastermind
SUSAN’S INSIGHTS RE: PR + Passive Profits:
Join us for the passive profits masterclass so you can create your offers BEFORE you begin your publicity campaign so you can monetize your appearances. You will have the choice of getting insights from any or all 40+ experts. Go here now to register.
A quick note to say how much I appreciate each and every one of you.
Some of you have been connected since my days teaching at the Learning Annex where my first product was a cassette tape that I duplicated, a cover/case that I hand-glued onto a piece of paper then printed from my computer. The second product was a set of stapled together pages with a card stock cover about how to write a press release.
In some ways I’ve come a long a way and in others not so much.
Walking in Central Park New York
Church Music and Rain in New York
Right now, I don’t have a lot to say. I’m in one of those periods where words aren’t flowing. Not in my writing group, not in my business.
Last week, as we sat together in sink-in couches, the autumn leaves falling, pumpkins everywhere, rain pounding the roof, sipping hot tea, we talked a little about the process and in my frustration I said, “I don’t feel like my writing is worth anything. It’s not adding up. It doesn’t have a purpose – a blog post, a book, an article. I’m not working toward a project.”
Tina said it’s kind of like yoga. You go. You do poses. You don’t progress. Then one day you can do a pose that used to be hard—maybe for a few seconds. There is an opening. Andrea mentioned that it’s like meditation. You don’t think it’s having an effect, then eventually something shifts. Maybe a bit of anxiety lifts. Laurie said, It’s about using the muscle. Keeping in the flow. Continuing to allow the messy. To invite it, actually.
And I get all that. But in the midst of it it still feels like a big waste of time, even though I know it isn’t.
It’s one of those sh_tty lessons.
I’m thankful for so those lessons, not in a spring-up happy kind of way. I’m thankful for so many things, and this group of women is one of them. Of course my sweetie. Who appreciates and loves me daily. After writing group, when I’d written about him, Tina said, “So there really are good men in the world?”
This writing muscle is really about practicing being free.
Free from the need to produce. Free from the desire to acquire. Free from forcing meaning into tasks. Free from needing to create something good. Free from being perfect. Free from embarrassment or shame. Free from not making enough money or being thin enough, or desirable or sexy enough.
To your freedom. Whatever that means to you.
And being thankful for the sh-tty lessons along the way.
Want to give something that doesn’t cost a penny? I do this daily. All you have to do is click to help animals and/or people. Go here.
My best (male) friend and me who I got to hang out with last weekend in San Francisco. Who I don’t get to see enough since he lives in Los Angeles. We’ve been friends for 40 year now. Grateful for the way he makes me feel — excited to live, full of joy and that my life has a place in this world that means something.
I thought, for a bit, that I should really title this post ‘How To Network With Bloggers’ – because, you know, SEO and what not.
But the word ‘networking’ feels intimidating and overwhelming and slightly gross. Eating subpar appetizers while someone shoves their business card in my face and shrieks their elevator pitch? No. Sharing super useful advice/client referrals/traffic/cream cheese wontons with someone who I connect with, like, AS A HUMAN BEING? Yes.
Really? Networking is mostly just making friends. And if you approach it as such (and think about what you can bring to the table, rather than what you can get from an interaction) you’ll be befriending bloggers left, right, and all over Twitter.
If there are any bloggers you’d like to collaborate with/pitch/take to coffee, here are a few things that you should do before you drop into their inbox.
6 ways to befriend bloggers
1. Leave productive, smart, helpful comments on their blog
No matter how big and famous they are, bloggers read their comments and if you’re regularly saying awesome things, they’ll start to remember you. Of course, some blogs and posts engender better commentary – it’s hard to leave a mind-blowing comment on an outfit post. But personal essays, tutorials, or thought-provoking posts are an opportunity to chime in.
Also: make sure that the icon that shows up when you leave a comment matches the headshot on your blog and the icon for your Twitter profile, otherwise it’ll be hard for the blogger to recognize you.
2. Interact with them on social media
Respond to the comments, answer their questions, ask them questions, send them links you think they’d like. Just the same way you’d do with a friend.
My readers know my painfully, awkwardly well. Three different people sent me a link to this inflatable cat unicorn headband and two people sent me links to Macklemore’s Thrift shop song. And I loved it. And I totally remember who sent me those links. Don’t be afraid to reach out to the people you like and admire with information that you think they’d find helpful.
5. If you’re going to pitch them, triple check that what you’re pitching is a good fit
Do they host guest posts? Do they offer giveaways? What is the monetary value of those giveaways? Do they review products? Do they use c/o items in their outfits posts? It would be a pity to waste your time (and theirs) crafting the perfect pitch email and then sending it to the wrong person or the wrong type of blog.
6. Avoid doing any of these annoying things
Just like in real life, sometimes friendship is about Not Being Annoying. I promise i’ll pay you that money I owe you, I won’t share that secret with So-and-so, and I won’t have four drinks when I promised to be the designated driver.
Here are some things you should avoid doing:
Misspelling their name
Sending them a template email
Asking them about anything you could Google
Asking them to locate a post they wrote
Writing an email that is more than two paragraphs long
I’d love to hear from you, bloggers! How do you like to be treated? How do you network and befriend other bloggers? Small businesses, tell us about your interactions with bloggers!
I was hit repeatedly at an Aikido training over the weekend. And it was an honor.
I was at a seminar from a Japanese Sensei who doesn’t come here often. It was considered a special occasion and rare opportunity for training. Some Japanese Senseis have harsher teaching methods than we are used to here. That is an understatement.
My teacher, Hans Goto Sensei, is gentle, but firm. He doesn’t single you out if you’re doing something incorrectly. Rather, when he sees that some of us are having trouble during a class, he stops, asks for a volunteer (typically, a high-ranking black belt or senior student) and takes apart the technique step-by-step so we can do it more easily.
In Japan, the sensei will yell “Dame!” which loosely translated means a combination of, “bad, dumb, wrong.” Or “no good; not serving its purpose; useless; broken.” Many times during training at Bay Marin Aikido, Hans Goto Sensei would say that if a teacher in Japan doesn’t “Dame” or correct you, they don’t care about you. So it’s good to get attention from them — even if it’s in the form of a “Dame.”
My “Dame” came during jo (staff) practice where the Japanese Sensei wanted me to use my body more and to extend the thrust. He came over to me and started yelling in Japanese, demonstrating how I was doing it wrongly and showing me the correct technique. All before the translator came over, who asked that everyone stop training to watch the “lesson.” There were 100 eyes on me as the Sensei was hitting me above my elbow each time he made point. Hitting me hard. I’m not sure he used the word “wimpy” to describe my form, but it was something close to that.
I kept attempting to make the corrections he “suggested” without success so he kept hitting and yelling. I kept my focus on improving instead of thinking of anything else. I had seen the other black belts he’d “Damed” turn bright red and start to tremble. I was determined not to do that, but to maintain my equanimity and dignity. Some people in my dojo had already told me how he’d made one person cry when they visited his dojo in Japan. Unless my arm or leg was snapped in two, this wasn’t going to be me.
When I told a friend about this she said, “At the first hit, I’d be out of there. Off to get a latte and shopping for shoes.” Of course a part of me wanted out of there. The other part welcomed the opportunity to polish my spirit. As Rumi says, “Criticism polishes my mirror.” My work will be done when nothing can scare, annoy, irritate, anger, or ruffle me. That is a long way off.
This is the same kind of training you’ll need for media interviews so you can stay “on message.” When a host or other guests “Dames” you you’ll be able to keep your equanimity and say what you came to say to your audience with ease and grace. It’s what I share in my sound bite course minus the hitting and yelling. Which you can get for the next 7 days for 50% off by using coupon code: BITE.
I’ve just finished creating a live course on verbal self-defense for girls. It is available to license. If this is something that your school, organization, or club is interested in please jet me an email. If you want to make sure that your daughter avoids the Trump Pu—sy grab, this would be the training for her.