Are you too manly?

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0oXaykKIp4?rel=0&w=700&h=467]

Are you too manly? I asked you that in the kindest of ways. I’ve been really studying a lot of the commentators the news commentators (on TV) with a fascination.  My sweetie and I have a little bit of a game. He’s like, “I like this guy and I don’t know why.” And I’ll go over and look and I’ll analyze why he likes him. What is he doing? Facially with his body language, with his verbal language that makes you like him. That makes you believe him, that makes you trust him, that makes you want to listen more. And I wanted to share a few of those things with you. So, the men who get attention who are natural leaders. Who are the ones that we want to follow and listen to.

What they don’t do is they don’t push, they don’t posture and they don’t pump up. They do the opposite. So, it’s just making big eyes at you. They don’t big eye at you. What they do I was just watching one of my sweetie’s favorites. And I said, “Oh I see what he’s doing.” First of all, it’s active listening. So, this is one thing that I had to train my sweetie on and that a lot of women. We wonder if we’re communicating with men, we talk to you and we’re not getting any kind of verbal. Or visual affirmation that you’re listening and that’s why we say, “Do you hear what I’m saying? Am I getting through? Are you hearing me honey?”

Those are the kinds of things that we typically say and then you’re like, yes. And then you think that by parroting it back that we believe that you’re listening but. That’s those are not the signals that we’re looking for. We’re looking for other signals either verbal. Or visual that are going to reinforce that we think that you’re connecting with us. So, one thing that you can do, but you don’t do this on TV but you can do it. With your sweetie is you can say, “Ummmm hummm or oh.” Just a non-word sound but on TV when you’re listening closely, you don’t want to do that. Because you want the broadcast to be clear for the other person speaking. So, what you can do when you when you are the one who’s in an interview. Because now it’s all like Zoom right?

So, you see one panel of the host and you see one panel was you. And maybe another panel there’s another person on the show. So, one of the things that you want to do is just nod that you’re hearing the other person. An open faced with a nod. Yes, you’re listening. Then you’re already connecting with the host. And when it comes to you when it comes time for you to speak one of the things. That this man did who, I was just watching was he just raised his eyebrows. And that is an open invitation. It opens your eyes it opens your face. It’s like I’m open being open with you. You can be open with me. Let’s have a conversation.

We’ve talked about this in one of my other videos, but you can smile, men don’t smile enough. Because they want to be taken seriously. So, you want to smile when you’re talking about things that are that don’t need to be serious. You know that an invitation when you’re being introduced oftentimes men don’t smile, women do. So that’s a time when you can be friendly and open, they say your name – Susan Harrow – and you smile. Then you can go back to your resting face after that. But initially you’ve made that warmth and that connection with the audience. Then if you’re talking about something serious, you’re not going to be smiling. And if you’re talking about happy news, you are smiling. Thinking about one of the other things that you can do is people who are powerful don’t rush.

They don’t push forward either so they don’t push forward their rush. So, if you find yourself a little bit racing forward and trying to get everything out . And kind of speeding up and being a little bit loud and you want to. I want to get your point across you take a breath and you slow down. That way you can you can talk really fast in between if you like and then pause. If you’re a fast talker, that’s one thing that you can do talk talk talk talk talk talk fast. But then pause and give your audience time to breathe and absorb what you’re saying. But also the pushing and posturing is, you know, some of posturing is leaning forward. So, if you find yourself doing that in an attempt to really communicate, take the breath, relax, sit back.

Because what we want is, we want to connect with somebody you want somebody to move toward you, not away. So, if you’re pushing forward the person wants to move away, so we relax back. And then the audience and the host will come forward. Mmm. Just trying to think there’s any other posturing things that we want to discuss. Puffing up, you know the puffing up part that’s kind of the posturing to and so if you find yourself. You know men stick out their chests and you know, like an aggressive gesture. Like a when two cocks are fighting, you know, it’s like both and then when men are looming over you. Or one man is looming over another man to establish dominance. So, if you find yourself with your chest puffed out that’s another thing you go.

Okay. I can just I can have a big broad chest. And I can do it as I’m sitting back in my chair in a relaxed fashion. So those are a couple body language facial language things that for men to be aware of. And the most important thing is just awareness. Like, how are you coming across? Is this what you choose and if you if it is your choice to be that way. To be a little blustery or a little in your face. That’s a choice for you to make and recognize how that may be interpreted by your audience. So, I hope this has been helpful. I’m Susan Harrow, media coach, marketing strategist, author of Sell Yourself Without Selling Your Soul® published by HarperCollins. And CEO of prsecrets.com. And I would love to hear your comments whatever you think about that.

If any of your men and you disagree, I’d love to hear why and anything that you’ve done. And any kinds of things that have worked well for you and have maybe not work so well. So I’d love to hear about all those things.  

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