Confidence Is A Practice You Need To Succeed

Confidence Is A Practice You Need To Succeed – Interview by Christine Schlonski – Heart Sell! Podcast

Christine: Hey gorgeous. This is Episode number 344 and our amazing guest today is Susan Harrow.

Susan: Hi everyone. I’m Susan Harrow and you are listening to Heart Sells! with Christine Schlonski. Enjoy.

Christine: I am so super pumped you are here today, in case we have not met yet. I’m Christine Schlonski, your host of Heart Sells! Podcast, where I talk with inspirational, successful heart centered entrepreneurs and business leaders about how they have built a wildly successful business. Some of my amazing past guests include Bob Burg, John Lee Dumas, Pia Silva, Brian Kurtz. Melanie Benson and Jill Stanton, just to name a few. And today’s guest Susan Harrow is the author of the bestselling book, Sell Yourself Without Selling Your Soul™. And when I learned that about her, I knew I had to get her on to the show. Susan has media trained 1000s of CEOs, celebrity chefs, startups, speakers, entrepreneurs and authors for the past 31 years was her media consultancy, Harrow Communications. She is a world-renowned media coach and marketing strategist.

And what is also very special about her she is a martial artist and she almost was sold to slavery to a Bedouin sheik in Israel for 10 camels and a mule. So this episode is going to be a ton of fun! And is going to bring you lots of inspiration and motivation, I hope. Before we dive in this episode is brought to you by Heart Sells! Academy where we inspire heart-centered ambitious entrepreneurs, to redefine sales, so that you can sell with ease, grace and confidence while being authentic and really enjoying sales. So let’s dive right in. Well, I am so super excited to have you here. Susan, welcome.

Susan: Thank you so fun!

Christine: So we had a couple of conversations. And I just love how excited you also get about sales, we could talk about it all day long. And I love what you’re doing now training people to get into media. Because that will really push your sales, your credibility, and everything that comes with it. So let’s dive in. And have you always been that confident as you are today?

Move to the Next Level with Traditional Media

Susan: Oh, I still don’t think I’m confident today. I think confidence is something that we’re cultivating all of the time. And that we’re just growing it and that sometimes it ebbs and flows. And really, I think it’s something that I work on. It’s a practice like anything else like when we were talking about its sales and media. It’s the same it’s like and I just wanted to say too. Because what you were saying like grow your business with media. A lot of people are very comfortable online. And really moving to the next level is traditional media.

So it’s TV, radio, yes podcast, some high level podcasts like yours, as well as print or online. And that is something that a lot of businesses haven’t done, they focused online and part of your whole strategy and elevating you to the next level it’s important to start doing media and it’s the fastest path to becoming a thought leader. Being more of just one yeah, because people call themselves thought leaders a lot of times. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t call yourself a thought leader. Other people have to think of you as a thought leader. Yes.

Christine: If you’re a thought leader in your world that’s great. Right if I sit here today and nobody knows me then you know that that is a challenge. I just found it so interesting that you say you’re working on confidence right for me. You come across as like super confident. And are quite sure what the listeners or they have some video material you come across very confident. And I so agree it is a practice. Most of the people have not been born this way. Right? We all have struggled a little bit. So I was just wondering how your path was? Because if I just think about all the media that’s so intimidating for so many people. Just thinking about being on a stage, let alone being on TV, there’s cameras from everywhere. How do you how do you cope? Even if you are a thought leader, even though you have a message – how do you overcome that? Maybe fear or feeling of being uncomfortable so you can step into the spotlight.

Why Roleplay is so Important and Getting the Actual CNN Studio Camera Experience!

Susan: One of the things I think that we do that through really important is roleplay. So to do the actual situation, you know, that’s something that the Mormons do when they go out on a mission. They actually have a real live living room that they do the sales call in. Because that’s the situation they’re going to be in. So people, before COVID, would come to San Francisco, and I bring them into the same studio that CNN uses. And I would give them the experience of being on TV. So we would do satellite where we’re looking into the dot, which is now what we’re all doing on the computer, right? And also, having a big camera, having the lights in their face having a camera man there. All of that experience is super important.

But before we do that, we work first on their verbal language, like what do you want to say? What are the most important things to say to your audience? And then we move to your facial language, your body language and you’re in your comfortability. You know, so it’s facial, verbal, body, right? Because that’s a whole other thing. Because when people get under pressure, they do strange things. You know, I had one client, you know, who would blink really fast. I mean, people do all kinds of crazy things when they’re under pressure. So you want to actually have the real experience. So we go in those stages. What do you want to say? What are your key messages?

And what are your key messages that are going to drive sales! That are going to have people engage with you, so you can grow your business. So it’s not just about being an entertaining guest. It’s about being very strategic about what you want to say. And then we prepare, we kind of go back into and say. Well, what questions do we want to set up to give to the media. That will then allow you to back into that, whatever you want to say? And how you want to how you want to be perceived? And so when you asked about confidence, because it’s such a long question. I mean, it’s such a big question about confidence, and the practice of it. I think, also practicing it in different mediums like, I’ve always been an athlete.

So I know what it’s under pressure to be to be in like a tournament. You know, in tennis, I was a teaching tennis pro. And I played a lot of tournaments, I didn’t love it, and I still got nervous every single time. But I think that part of it is like, what I realized was mindset. And I’ll tell you what I mean by that, like when I was on the badminton team in high school and it was my junior year, and I was number two, and there was a senior girl and she was number one. And she was the best, right? And then they gave us the opportunity to get our own coach. If you were number one, you got a special coach for you. And I thought, well, darn, I want to be number one.

And so I thought, well, I need to beat her, I need to be number one. And so I, I really got it in my mind, I’m like, that’s what I want. I want to be in number one spot, I need to beat her. And that’s what I had in my mind. And then I, you know, I practice, practice, practice. And then I went on to the badminton court, and I beat her. So I got my own coach. And then she was allowed to challenge me, I think once a month. But she never beat me again. Because I psychologically had flipped it. And what’s really important when we work on your confidence in media is how do you feel about yourself? What are you here to give, but it’s also people take the lead from you. And it’s not just mindset, its body set.

It’s everything set. It’s your, your resonance in terms of encoding your own self with a resonance. And what other people feel. And that just happens because of that.

The First Step To Media Success

Christine: Yeah, I just love that. And you know your book, Sell Yourself Without Selling. I just love Selling Your Soul. Sorry, I forgot this important piece of it was Selling Your Soul. Oh, yes, Without Selling Your Soul. I just love this idea. And to bring that into TV studio, for example, so that you really can shine. You know, I’ve seen some of your amazing success stories where you help people to get that exposure where they have, you know, broken income ceilings, double, triple, 10 fold, whatever their revenue. There’s so much possible if we dream bigger, and I would just say that many entrepreneurs, they don’t even think about using media because it seems to be so far away and so difficult to get into it, that they don’t even go down this path.

What can an entrepreneur do who’s listening right now? Who you know maybe has some challenges in selling in general feels uncomfortable? And now dreaming big or thinking big like, wow, I could even be on TV. Or I could be in O Magazine or, you know, you have so many people that you help. What’s the first step I can take without being totally overwhelmed?

Susan: Well, I think podcasting is great as a first step in terms of the verbal part. If you’re comfortable writing, then, I would start, you know, on blogs. But then move up to you know, can you pitch, if you’re pitching a business magazine. It’s really about making sure that you have the right angle for the right person, at the right time. Like what’s happening in the culture today, that is married to your skills and abilities. And what you have to offer. So we’re always looking for a cultural tie in or a trend, something that’s current that you have. And then the key is to be very, very, super specific. So in when you and what I want to say is, before you pitch the media because a lot of people do it back afterwards, you want to have your messaging down. What is it you have to give? Why are you different? What is it that’s going to make you stand out? My friend Karen was on. We just did a Clubhouse the other day, and she’s a journalist, and she writes for Inc.

And she’s also been a publicist and is a bestselling author. And I said, you know, tell us what, you know, what works for you in a pitch. And she said, someone just pitched me really well, the other day. And what they did was they strong headline like this is this is what I want to talk about. This is why it’s relevant to your audience, and why you should interview me. So it’s got to connect with that exact audience. And then she said, the person was really polite, it’s not making any kind of demands. And she’s like, I know, I don’t, why do I even need to say that, but you can’t imagine, and I’ve experienced this too, how many people are very demanding. I want you to go read my website, or whatever.

No, it’s got to be like, super concise and tailored exactly to the person. And then what she requested is one line of your credibility. So when you’re pitching someone, it’s got to be very succinct. And it’s got to be credibility that relates to, and this was, by the way. It was a woman pitching confidence. And she was a professor at Harvard, you know, and so she said, you know, I have interviewed 200 people for this book, so she’s got the social credibility to write. And so she put all that in a very succinct pitch and why it’s relevant today? I mean, I think, you know, right now, we’re an international women’s month. But also, there’s a crisis of imposter syndrome, right? That just everybody just keeps talking about it over and over again.

And I think that instead of talking about imposter syndrome. We want to really focus on how do we maintain our confidence, and our presence in any situation. That that’s just another situation where people are in a situation. Where they feel like, they’re an imposter. Or a culture is saying, you’re not valuable in terms of whatever we’re looking at, whether it’s inside of a company or an entrepreneur, or at a conference, whatever. And to really begin to identify that in ourselves. So we can say, what is it in ourselves that we’re allowing to have other people treat us this way. Or position us this way? And, and start to figure out what that is. So we can be presented, we can present ourselves in the way that we actually want to be perceived. And be it not just it’s not just trying, it’s like, you have to be it. And I think there’s some internal practices that focus on that really can shift that.

Christine: Yeah, so basically, when you be it you start embodying.

Susan: It’s all about embodiment that thought, right?

Key Ideas to keep in mind before reaching out to the media?

Christine: So how can I how can I start there? Just, you know, I’m just thinking about the listeners not, you know, struggling with confidence sometimes. Especially in sales conversations. And you know, when you take it a notch up and say. Well, it’s not just that I talked to my soulmate clients. Now, I want to be featured by a big media outlet. I want to be on TV. What would be the first step that I can actually identify? Obviously, I need a clearer picture. Well, maybe it’s not that obvious, but having a clear picture. What would you teach someone who just starts to embrace the idea of going really big?

Susan: So I think one of the first things that we do is identify your value to other people. This is not your value as a person, so to speak, but what is it that you have to give what is in service to people? I always ask every client three questions.

1. What’s your deepest intention? How do you want to give/serve? What’s your big vision?
   
2. And then number two, what do you want for yourself? And that’s personally, professionally, physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually, because PR can open up that whole world to you. Who do you want to meet? What conferences do you want to go to? Who do you aspire to be? And how do you want to like live into your future self?Because what we’re really looking at is who is your future self that you’re going to be moving toward and living into.
   
   3. And then what do you want your audience to do? What action do you want them to take? If it’s something as simple as going to your website in signing up for you opt in? But then how do we want to move them through the sales process so they engage with you that might be a first engagement. Or walk into your brick and mortar, or give you a call on your 800 number, whatever? Buy your book, whatever that is? It’s like, what’s the first touch and engagement? And then where do you want them to go from there. Because we want to keep our big picture in mind, like of our perfect client, always, or our perfect customer.

So when we actually have that super clear, who we’re reaching, in our mind at all time. Like my mentor, Samantha, who you may be talking to later says, write down who your perfect client is. And all everything that you want, and read that every single day. And that’s one of the things that I’ve been doing too, like who are my perfect clients. So right now, for me, I really want people who are making a difference. And when I say making a difference in the world, they really have the capacity to make the difference. My ideal client is millionaires and billionaires who have trouble crafting a message but who have the financial means that don’t have to go through the government or politics in order to get something done.

Bill Gates is an example of somebody who does a Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation because they can just take their money and, and create, you know, they’re creating like fresh water for people. Right. So that’s my super ideal client. And then I have some really great clients, right now, you know. Like a startup who is, is in the diversity space for skincare. And opening it up to share with black and brown and trans women over 50 and men and underserved market. I love that too. So people who, you know, are not yet millionaires, but have this big vision of shifting some part. Then I’ve got a 16-year-old girl, who is just created a nonprofit for coding for girls who want to shift like women in the workplace. Like girls in the workplace. Yeah, I know, she’s 16. And she’s got this great vision, and how do we start, she’s already got a lot of confidence but she doesn’t have her messaging down.

And I think that’s really key when is to know what you want. And know the best people that you want to connect with, to get there. And then media is the means to do that. Because what we’re going to do what we’re speaking about, like what the 16-year-old is like she needs funding. So we’re incorporating that into the conversation. Same with the, my other client is going to be pitching to venture capitalists. So we need to identify what’s going to resonate with that audience. Right. And with the 16-year-old girl, we have different audiences that we need to craft messages for.

So one audience is girls come to her site and sign up and jump into a class, for free by the way. The second audience is people who can fund it or sponsor it, corporations or grant people or other people in other companies or nonprofits that are already in coding. So we really want to think about instead of thinking about, oh, you know, my confidence or whatever. I think really starting to think about, Gosh, who do I want to connect with? And what do I want to do? Because that also takes the emphasis off, I’m too fat, or I’ve never done this before. You know what I’m saying?

Christine: I just had smile, like I’m too fat. I can see like, especially women might have this thought, right? I can’t be in front of a camera right now.

Susan: Yeah, but a lot of women it’s like I it’s, you know, what I hear most is. You know, I want to lose 10 pounds before I’ll get on TV. But you know, people are not looking at your weight. They’re looking at your wisdom. They’re looking at your body presence, and they don’t even notice. And I know for a fact, you know, I’ve been, you know, 30 pounds thinner. People don’t even notice. I notice, I would love to lose those 20 COVID pounds. But I’m telling you people don’t they’re like, you know, you look a little different or whatever, they don’t care. You know, it’s again, it’s your it’s how you’re shining. And what you want to do and thinking about the other person and your goals.

Work on Your Confidence by Controlling Your Mind

And that’s not to diminish that I know, we have a crisis of confidence in this. But I think and you asked for one specific thing, uncovering a lot of topics. But I think one thing to get to start to work on confidence is controlling your mind. By that, is there something everybody can do super simply, once an hour. Bring your mind to focus and just breathe, and see if you can clear your mind of thoughts. Once an hour, one minute, you can start getting control of your mind. Because if you can control your mind in the moment, then you can control your destiny. And it’s the same thing when we have a thought like I have a process with myself. If I think something nasty about somebody even walking along, especially in COVID. Like, oh my god, I got to cross the street.

I ought to you know, and who are these COVID carriers, you know. I automatically say I need to reframe that. And I need to smile at them and say, hello, how you doing? And think of something good about that person, even if it’s like, they look like they love their dog. You know, whatever that is. So that’s like a mind shift. Because you know, we’re all kind of crabby during COVID.

And I noticed that I’m, you know, having those kinds of thoughts more often. And I practice myself, okay, what is the thought that I can switch in this moment? And then we can do it for ourselves? You know, we think, oh, I’m not confident or think, okay, that thought came up. Just let it go. And then allow the next thought in to say, what can I do to feel more confident in this moment? Or how can I just let that go for a moment? Because just a moment by moment thought.

So we think, you know, confidence is this big thing that’s with us all the time. Or our thoughts are with us? No, everything is a moment-by-moment practice. And we apply that same thing to the media. Which is when we do a media appearance, whatever it is, we look at that. And we say what did we do well? And what do we want to shift for next time? It’s an iterative process. And each time, we’re shifting just a tiny bit. That’s those 10,000 hours. That’s though that’s the practice of the 10,000 hours to be excellent.

It’s not in the 10,000 hours its changing something small each time you practice. It’s not doing the same thing over and over 10,000 times.

Change your Perspective

Christine: Yeah, I totally agree. And I think like at a certain point. You kind of can drop into you like being this you not being in the outside worrying what other people might be thinking. But just knowing the thoughts you have about you, that’s so much more important because that’s what you control. You don’t control what other people think about you. So why even bother?

Susan: That’s right. I remember Philip Zimbardo who did a study. He’s at Stanford did a study on introverts or people who are shy and what he found was that people who are shy were always thinking about themselves. So if you’re always thinking about yourself then you’re not you’re not giving your gifts or what you came to give.

So it’s actually, you know, thinking it’s actually self centered, to be shy, or whatever. Because you always think, what are people thinking about me? What, what, what about me, me, me, me, me. Instead of thinking, how can I connect with this person? What can I say? Or what is it that’s important for me right now, for this person? So I think that breath is so important, because we’re just a breath away of being confident. We’re just a breath away of centering ourselves. So that breath work is really important. And one of the things that I train all of my clients and my soundbite course, participants, My PR course participants on, The Zen of Fame: Your Genius Gone Viral™, is the breath. And a super simple one that I actually put in Sell Yourself Without Selling Your Soul™ so many years ago. Now breathing is like the thing.

Just breathe in for four or six, hold for six, breathe out for six, hold for six. And if you do that even for five minutes, and you practice that for five minutes every day. It calms your autonomic nervous system and you can absolutely do that before every media interview. In fact, I was teaching some DECA kids who were 16-years-old who are either in leadership track or entrepreneurial track. And I taught them that on the spot and this one was this one girl. She’s 16. She said, “Oh my God. I’m doing it right now. And it works and I feel confident in this moment.” So she went from being nervous and presenting her pitch because she was doing a pitch to investors to in that next moment. She said she just was gobsmacked that that actually worked. And she did it.

So it didn’t even take her five minutes. It took her like 30 seconds to do it. Yeah, so that’s something very practical.

Christine: That’s, that’s so juicy. Before we’re going to finish off this episode. I would love to know what does it mean for you, Heart Sells!?

Susan: Oh, right, I read a few aspects to everybody. It means that I mean, really what I love that you know, the heart-to-heart connection. It’s like, all you’re doing when you’re selling is seeing are you a good match? Is this person and for me, I want somebody who I learn as much from them as they do from me, whatever medium. It doesn’t matter whether they’re selling chocolate, which I would love. If we’re out there, you want to get in the media, if you’ve got chocolate come on by. Or a great snack, a healthy snack or something. It doesn’t matter to me, like I love to I have a mix of clients. So some are like the super socially conscious. And then some are, you know, like a great food or whatever that is.

But so really, it means just, if I don’t like someone. For example, and I don’t want them as a client, it’s like, are they going to treat me as respectfully and as beautifully and lovely and value me as much as I do them? I look for people who are going to just think whatever I do is like so amazing for them. And I look at them the same way. So we’re looking at each other. And we’re saying how do we bring out the best in each other. And that’s our goal, really bringing out the best in each other as we’re moving through this process.

You know, call it sales? I mean, I just I look at it as like how can I? What can I do for my the highest good of my client? That’s always my question. And can I do this for and so I always asked myself, before I respond to anybody. You know, can I produce results for them? That’s what I’m thinking, can I produce results? Can I get them to where they want to go and beyond? Even holding a bigger vision that they hold for themselves? And, and am I capable of bringing them there? That’s what I’m thinking about when I’m connecting with somebody.

Christine: Yeah, beautiful. Thank you so much. So you brought us a wonderful, wonderful gift that I am so excited about. It’s The 100-Word Email That Can Get The Media To Call You. I just want to say that it can get you right? The media, the media. Yeah. So tell us tell us about this.

Susan: Yeah, so most that right now, media don’t want you to call them on the phone. They want you to email so your pitch has to be super short. So in this PDF, we show you how you can just pitch in 100 words, and capture attention. And we have three very succinct templates that you can use that you can just fill in your information. And is the exact way that the media wants you to package your information. So it’s super simple. It’s free. And we will give you the link to that in the show notes.

Christine: Yeah, I just I just love it. And this is people this is gold nuggets. So make sure you get your heads on it, and then use it. Right?

Susan: I love templates, I think and of course you can vary. But we it’s a place to start, you know, to see what has worked for other people. And again, like I think that people when they think they need to pitch anything. It needs to be like super long. But no, it actually super short to capture attention, then they’ll reach out to you. And ask you for more information. And that’s the next step.

What is your Final Piece of Advice

Christine: Yeah. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much. What would you like to leave us with? It can be a quote; it can be some great advice. How would you like to close off this episode?

Susan: I would like to say that whatever you have no waiting, that start to do media, now. Whatever it is, even if it’s just a local TV show, get started somewhere. Like take the step and then start to be able to practice so before you do that. Get that messaging down. Then pitch the media, go to your you know, get booked on your local TV or your local newspaper. And begin there even though even a we have those community newspaper, you can even start can start there. Start somewhere and start now.

Christine: That wonderful. Well, thank you so much. It was such a pleasure and I’m really looking forward having another opportunity to have an episode with you. So thank you so, so much. Have a great one.

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