My Steve Harvey Show Appearance – Struggling with Self-Doubt
By Guest Blogger Heather Monahan
Own Your Vision, State Your Claim
“Take action to see reward. Do nothing and be ignored.” – Matthew e. fryer
It’s funny how opportunities start to show up when you get yourself out of your funk. And focus on the good things in your life. In addition to journaling, one of the ways I watch my progress is through the photo roll on my iPhone. Or through my Instagram feed. Taking some time to look through these photos shows me just how far I have come. I liken it to living with a child. You see your child every day, so you don’t really notice how she’s getting taller and more mature. But when you bump into an old friend and they see your child for the first time in a year. They’re blown away by how much she has grown.
When we are so close to ourselves and our lives and our day-to-day routines. We often don’t give ourselves the recognition that we should.
Using the stories on your ’gram to showcase your year will keep your accomplishments front and center for you. When you get your mindset right, big things will begin to happen.
I was in a fantastic mindset a couple years ago when, early one January morning. I woke up to an email from Steve Harvey’s producer asking me if there was any way that I could be on the show the following Friday. I know this much: when a big opportunity comes knocking, you don’t just say yes, you say hell, yes! No questions asked, no checking flights, no looking for a sitter. Just say yes and figure out the details later.
Say YES! Instantly to Any Big Opportunity Even If You Have Fear or Self-Doubt
That email didn’t just come out of the blue, however. The year before, I had the opportunity to meet Steve and pitch myself in person for the show. In that meeting, I shared everything about me that I thought would resonate with Steve’s audience and exactly how I could bring them value. I explained that I had been fired by another woman and how heartbroken and devastated I was—I didn’t know how I was going to move forward. I shared my fear around whether I could write a book and get it published. I said that I was certain my story would inspire others to make the change they may have been considering but thought it would be too hard.
The producer loved my pitch, and he told me I could be on the show as a onetime guest or maybe even a recurring guest on their weekly Straight Talk panel. It was my choice.
I thought about the two options and quickly realized that a recurring spot would be much more valuable than a onetime appearance.
So, I said, “Panel!”
“Oh—okay,” the producer told me. “Go home and watch some of the panels—we’ll be in touch when we have an opening.”
Ugh. I had just blown it. I should have taken the onetime guaranteed appearance and then hope that they would want to book me for the panel later. I tried not to beat myself up over what had happened. Listen, in any situation when you are given a choice, you need to go with your gut, knowing it is a risk. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
Persistence Pays Off
I flew back home to Miami, worried I would never get that face-to-face opportunity again. That was the first week of October. I reached out a few days later, sending another signed book to the producer and his assistant, and I emailed a follow-up thank-you note.
I then emailed the assistant whom I went out of my way to get to know. I always do this. By making people feel important and learning about them, they will look out for you. She replied immediately. “He got your email,” she said. “He will get back with you when he has something.”
I’ve been in the media biz for years, and I know the kiss of death when I hear it. And that was what I just heard!
Waiting is not my thing, so I decided to lean into my LadyGang recommendation and fire up a life-sized cutout of me. I emailed the producer’s assistant a note explaining to her that it was coming and that I would so appreciate her putting it in the producer’s office.
This time I didn’t hear back from either of them. In my mind, this opportunity was dead.
Then came the January email from the producer, and everything changed in a flash. After I replied with an immediate yes, I consumed every possible panel show I could find so I would know what I was walking into.
Expect to Be Intimidated By Doing Something New and Big
Anytime you do something new—especially if it’s new and big— then you’re bound to be intimidated. You’re bound to be nervous. Anxious. Worried. Maybe even a little scared. I don’t care who you are, this is just a fact.
I was intimidated, but I knew that I was going to be on the show no matter what. As I watched the shows, I began to envision myself on the couch there with the rest of the panel. The more I could envision myself there, the more real it became. And the more real it became, the more possible it seemed to me that my appearance would go really well. I was excited, and that is an understatement!
I am a creature of habit, so I like to be in places I am familiar with, and I like to be around people who support me. Whenever I visit Los Angeles, I always stay at the same hotel. That’s because of someone who works behind the front desk. The first time I stayed there, my room had a broken A/C unit, and it was awful. I phoned the front desk to complain and Marcus answered. Marcus was polished and professional, and he attempted to calm me down. I was irate, however, because I had an early morning meeting and I was petrified I would not get any sleep. I demanded the A/C be fixed immediately or that I be moved to another room.
Marcus sent an engineer right away.
Long story short, once the engineer arrived, it was obvious to me there was a bigger problem. The engineer looked worried. He told me it would take twelve hours for the unit to thaw out, and the A/C wouldn’t be operational until then. I immediately called Marcus and let him know that I needed to be moved into a room with a working A/C. He apologized and told me he had no other rooms to move me into. I explained my situation to him—that I had just flown in from Miami and had a huge meeting first thing in the morning. I needed his help. I also told him I knew a lot about the hotel business. And I was certain he could work his magic and figure something out for me.
I told Marcus I had confidence in him.
Fifteen minutes later, he assigned me to a new room. From that moment on, Marcus had a never-ending, loyal client. After I found someone who would look out for me, I refused to stay anywhere else. Finding people who treat you remarkably well means you need to treat them remarkably well too.
Struggling with Self-Doubt, Try Tapping
So when I booked a room for my Steve Harvey appearance, I told Marcus all about it. It turned out that he happened to know Steve and some of the people on the panel. He shared all of his insights with me and told me he would see me at the hotel—and that he was rooting for me! That feeling of knowing I was not alone and that I was supported—almost three thousand miles from home—was priceless. After a good night’s sleep at my favorite LA hotel, I took a shower and had some breakfast. But about two hours before I was supposed to head over to the studio, I started to feel really nervous about my appearance. Now, if you have ever struggled with anxiety, you know this is the worst. Luckily, I’ve struggled with anxiety in the past, so I knew how to treat it: by tapping.
This is the process of tapping your fingers on the meridians located under the surface of your skin while stating your fear, acknowledging the fear and upset, and affirming that you still love and accept yourself. My tapping points are the same each time. I start with the top of my head, then move to above an eyebrow, then outside of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, under the lip, collarbone, under the arm and then finally I tap both of the bottoms of my palms together. It’s that simple.
After five minutes, all my anxiety was gone. I was ready for anything!
My good friend Nikki couldn’t make the trip to LA with me, so I asked Diane who did my makeup if she would please come to the show with me. When going into stressful situations, it always makes sense to ride with a good wingman. The car the show sent over picked us up at the hotel right on time. That was the good part. The bad part was it smelled like an ashtray, the water bottles in the back of the car were half gone, and the traffic was horrific.
It was LA, after all.
To Head-Off Self-Doubt Prepare a Routine to Get in the Right Mind-Set
To get my mind in the right place, I put my earbuds in and listened to my playlist that always gets me into the right mindset. I use it every time I go into a new or stressful situation. It makes me remember all of the other times I felt afraid and made it through to the other side okay and in one piece. I pulled out my lavender hand-wipes (that scent calms me down) and I started to visualize sitting on the couch with everything going great and me happy. I stayed in this state of bliss the entire ride. Smelling my lavender handwipes, rocking out to Kendrick Lamar, and visualizing myself being happy on Steve Harvey’s couch.
That did the trick!
We walked into the studio and were led to the green room. While the show producer (a woman, not the same producer who invited me onto the panel) briefed me on what to expect, she laughed and told me that my views were entirely different from the other women’s. Then she gave me some really good advice: “Don’t let them talk you down or talk over you. They are strong women—stand up for yourself!”
I let her know she had the right girl. She had no idea how long I had been pushed down at my old job and what I did to stand up for myself. “Don’t worry,” I told the producer. “I’ve got this.”
I went backstage, Diane in tow. I was grateful to have her with me as the other two women on the panel had each brought their own entourages along with them. Both had been on the show before, they knew each other, and their teams knew each other.
Yikes, I was odd woman out!
When I start feeling like that, I ask myself, “What can I find to compliment someone on right now that will build some common ground between us?”
Kandi Burruss from the Real Housewives of Atlanta was one of the other panelists, and she was wearing the most amazing, most electric blue skirt I had ever seen. I loved the color! I tapped her on the shoulder and complimented her on it.
“Really?” she said. “I was hoping it wasn’t too extra. Good, thank you!”
Connection made; I instantly felt a little better. That’s when Steve walked into the green room and hugged both of the women. He then walked over to me and introduced himself. He was nice and professional, and he told me to relax and just be myself. That was one thing I knew I could do!
We walked out into the studio and planted ourselves on the couch. It was a bit confusing at first, but I quickly found my voice. And once I did, I felt good—really good. I showed up as me and spoke my truths and the audience responded. Things weren’t perfect, but I was happy with the outcome. I owned it.
The show wrapped and we were led back down to the greenroom where Diane was waiting for me. She gave me positive feedback and I felt better. We were walking to the car when the producer’s assistant ran out to me. “You did a great job, Heather!” she said. “We would love to have you back!”
Find a Way to Create Confidence in the Moment to Prevent Self-Doubt and Fear From Creeping Back in
Wow. That meant everything to me. No one has any idea the stress or fear that confronts you when you are trying to get to the next level in your career, your business, your life. Finding ways to create confidence in those moments is what will save you every time, because self-doubt and fear have a way of creeping back in. Be alert to when fear and anxiety rear their ugly heads and make a point of finding your happy place.
When you own the outcome, you’ll take it to the next level every time. By the way, I never got back on that show. Steve was canceled right after that and the door closed. No matter what people see on the outside, there will always be a lot more letdowns on the inside that the world may not be aware of. When one door closes, we have to get back up and open a few more.
Having big dreams and huge goals can be scary. Writing those goals and dreams down as claims that will be happening will get you thinking about these things in a new way. Holding your- self accountable to achieve your dreams is key to your success. Whether you recruit a close friend to check in with you or put it out to the world on social media, you need to find a way to hold yourself accountable and not look back. If you don’t jump, your wings will never have a chance to appear. It is your time to jump!
SUSAN’S COMMENT: I invite you to do 3 things that will help you on your business, publicity and self-growth journey.
1. Get Heather’s first book, Confidence Creator, and learn how to become competent and confident no matter how challenging your past or present is.
2. Buy the book Overcome Your Villains. If you’ve ever had self-doubt, dealt with negative nabobs, or lacked confidence this book will become your bible. NOTE: The audio version has her riffs at the end so you get extra goodness beyond the book.
3. Listen to Heather’s podcast Creating Confidence. Heather’s enchanting stories and advice will have you powering through the episodes like gobbling your favorite dessert. I think I like her better than chocolate pudding pie. Which is saying a lot.
Heather Monahan Bio
Heather Monahan is a best-selling author X2, Top 50 Keynote Speaker in the World 2022, Podcast Host of Creating Confidence, TedX speaker and has most recently been appointed to the Board of Directors of Healthlynked Corp. Having successfully climbed the corporate ladder for nearly 20 years, Heather Monahan is one of the few women to break the glass ceiling and claim her spot in the C-suite.
Heather’s show, Creating Confidence, where she interviews celebrities and entrepreneurs debuted on the Top 200 shows on Apple podcast.
Heather was named one of the Top 40 Female Keynote Speakers in 2020 and Top 50 Keynote Speakers for 2022 by Real Leaders. Her TEDx talk was promoted to TED and translated into 6 languages. Harper Collins Leadership published her new book Overcome Your Villains in November 2021.
Heather has been featured in USA Today, CNN, Forbes, Fast Company, Gary V’s Audio Experience and The Steve Harvey Show.
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