How To Let Go Of Imposter Syndrome + Wildly Love Yourself
How To Let Go Of Imposter Syndrome + Wildly Love Yourself
Liz Faircloth: In today’s episode, ladies, we have Susan Harrow. She is a world-renowned media coach with over 33 years of experience in this space. It was an amazing interview for a lot of different reasons, but we got into not just the media and publicity, but also how to let go of Impostor Syndrome, and because it’s so connected to kind of stepping up, right, your level of who you are and who you’re showing up to the world as. I think what was really powerful is not only the amazing phrases and comments and ideas that Susan shared today, but also her ability to give some great practical real life tips, because that’s what it comes down to, right? That how do I apply this tomorrow or today? I think that you’ll get a lot from this episode.
Andresa Guidelli: Yeah. We live in a social media era, right? It’s basically inevitable if you are doing great in your real estate business, if you’re growing, you will be invited to be on the podcast. You will be invited to speak on a meet up, on a panel on stage. There’s so much power into that, not just for your career, for your business, but also for to inspire other women that can relate to your story. So this episode, we tap into that. How can you prepare yourself, leverage that social media experience, in order to grow your business, but also inspire others. So I hope you enjoy it.
Liz Faircloth: Welcome back, ladies.
Liz and Andresa: This is Liz and this is Andresa.
Liz Faircloth: Welcome back to The Real Estate InvestHER Show, where we are all about Andresa empowering women to live a financially free and balanced life. Excited to have Susan on our show. Susan Harrow, thank you so much for making time to connect with us and our community and love the topic we’re jumping into in terms of Imposter Syndrome. Just when I met you a few months ago, I was like, I’ve got to have her on a podcast because what we talked about is just so pertinent to women, whether you’re an investor or anyone in the world, this is a pertinent topic. Thanks for being here and thanks for sharing with our community.
Susan Harrow: And, I think it comes up really fast, too, when we have to go from private to a public person. I think all of those things, like, they come right to the surface when we’re going to the next level. You’re wanting to shine in the media, it’s like all the trigger points, all the flash points bubble up, and Impostor Syndrome is one of them.
Liz Faircloth: I was like, I have five questions and I ask you, but I almost.
Andresa Guidelli: I was raising my fingers.
Liz Faircloth: We’re so excited to have you all back on 2022 as we’re jumping into the new year here, and as we always like to do, we like to share a quick tip, a quick something coming up for us. Right on, Joseph. We like to spend the majority of the time connecting with our wonderful guests and jumping into the topic. So I think it’s my turn, right?
Andresa Guidelli: It is your turn. What’s happening?
Liz Faircloth: I feel like so much has been happening since we last recorded so much on so many levels. Here’s what I did recently, and I want to share something that came up for me. I did this Abundance Clearing. I don’t think I share everything with you. Just I feel like more than that sometimes that’s you tell me that, I’m like, oh, I must have told Andresa. It’s like, well, I am your husband. But anyway, I didn’t tell you.
Andresa Guidelli: Sorry, Matt.
Liz Faircloth: Sorry, Matt. I did this thing called Abundance Clearing and actually was part of the session we did Susan, of our trip, go Abundance trip. It was like this session that I paid for, and we had it this week, and it was a really powerful session. There’s a couple of takeaways I wanted to share with the women here about just clearing where you’re getting blocked for your abundance. One of the things, Kelly, she’s awesome. We got to have her on something here soon. She shared was, what are the three things you want to feel in 2022? And to write those down.
To Let Go of Imposter Syndrome Choose 3 Things You Want To Feel, Look For + Celebrate Them Every Day
She said and I said, okay, I tend to do that because when people give you suggestions like, oh, I knew that, or I did that, we always like to have that knee-jerk reaction. She said something I had never thought of. She said, with those three things now during your day, I want you to start looking for those things and stop and celebrate those things, because what that’s going to do is going to force you to look for more of that.
I never thought of it in that way. I have had themes. I’ve had words, joy, this, D, but then the rest of the day goes through and you’re like, God d***, I didn’t feel any joy today. But that’s my word, right? I wrote, joyful, fully present, in peace. Those are my three kinds of themes I want for my life. Wherever I’m playing out, where I’m playing fully in mom, business partner, wife, whatever, daughter, sister. That looking for those opportunities and then celebrating it, looking for it, noticing it, celebrating it on a day-to-day basis, on a day-to-day moment was really powerful for me. I just wanted to give that to the woman listening. What are your three words? Then, how can you look for those things and then celebrate them in literally the moment-to-moment life we live? Because it’s not going to be like this joy.
Like, I’m going to like that’s not about being big, it’s about being small. Yesterday I was playing with my daughter and she said something I’m like, I feel joy in this moment. I just stopped and I felt it because I needed some time to realize how I’m feeling because that’s something I’m working on. I’m like, oh, there’s some other joy I can look for. It made me excited about it versus moving on to the next thing. At the end of the day, like, oh, I didn’t feel my powerful word today. No, I did. I just didn’t notice it.
Andresa Guidelli: I love that. It’s like the yellow cards, right? You start talking about yellow cards and then you start seeing yellow cards. The power of awareness is so important. I think there’s a lot that we need to reframe our brain because we tell our brain what is important and the brain scan and say, okay, this is important. Pay attention, see it, feel it. So we are all in this. I don’t know if it is a 40’s thing or not, but there’s a lot of like, internal movement going on in terms of reframing or saying, oh, that doesn’t serve me anymore. I am going another direction. More does not fulfill me anymore. As you were saying, are the little moments that you feel, I’m going to observe this today.
Shift Imposter Syndrome By Focusing on How You Want to Feel vs. Accomplishments
Susan Harrow: I’m glad you brought that up. I think awareness is key and noticing that. It’s also a proponent of peak performance, the feel. What do you want to feel? Because sometimes people talk about visualization, but it’s visualization. But it’s not visualization, it’s embodiment. It’s feeling your cellular body and getting it. We sometimes forget about our bodies, especially women who are like high powered, we’re like in our heads. But this embodiment is really super important. Noticing those small things like what you were talking about each moment in the day, those kind of qualities of being this. I was just listening to a woman talking about imposter syndrome, and she focused solely on people’s accomplishments, like do this book and do this. I’m thinking, well, that’s external instead of internal. What you’re talking and there’s a huge difference between, yes, we want to focus on like create an incredible “Ma” book about all of these things that we’ve done, but that’s external to ourselves versus what you’re talking about is being peace, I think.
Was it peace, joy? Being present? I mean, which is the most important thing for sure in a media appearance, but it’s also the most important thing in our relationships with your kids, with Matt, with Andresa. It’s the most important thing is that quality of presence and you being there in that moment. It’s the same in a media appearance because if you’re somewhere else or you’re thinking about what you’re going to say, then you’re missing what’s going on in the connection, in that moment. That’s part of letting go of imposter syndrome, because impostor syndrome is taking you out of the present.
Liz Faircloth: Love it. So, Susan, we’ve already shared about your amazing background, but we always kick things off, too, for our interviews with wonderful women we interview. What propelled you to get involved in this space of becoming a media expert and PR and what you’ve built over the years show. Did that find you? I should say. I’m not going to say how did you find it, but how did that probably find you and how are you now? That’s what your world is.
How I Got Involved in PR, Publicity + Media Training
Susan Harrow: It was an evolution and it was kind of a long when I’m an English major focusing on Shakespeare, that really serves me. I was in high tech sales, and I started taking this class from I was always doing writing, and I was taking this class and this woman was in it, and she was the publicist for Bill Graham Presents and The North Face. I just thought, well, that might be an interesting marriage of my skills of sales and also writing and speaking and all of that. I just said, “Can I hang out with you and find out what this is about?” She really was like baptism by far, where she just said, “Why don’t you just jump in and do this?” And I was, what? Can I listen to you first? I just listened to her getting on the phone, which was like making a sales call, getting people booked.
I started by being a publicist, which is booking people in the media. What I found was, no matter how successful I was, the Wall Street Journal, Oprah, Larry King Live, the Today Show, all of those shows, sometimes it didn’t have a real effect on with my clients. And I started looking at why. Why was this happening? I found out it was them because what they were saying wasn’t interesting and wasn’t connecting to the audience.
I thought then I started media training them, even though that wasn’t my job. My job was just to book them. And I loved it so much. I feel like the words are the ambassadors of our spirit. It’s one way that we connect. I started just media training people, and I loved that. I loved it so much that I just shifted into doing the media training and the marketing strategic planning, which also encompasses the mindset, because I think a lot of what holds women back. I remember I was in a mastermind at Jack Canfield’s House with Lisa Sasavich.
Andresa Guidelli: Nice. I’m aware of them personally.
Let Go of Imposter Syndrome By Being Present + Stop Comparing + Despairing
Susan Harrow: I was in the mastermind for being in a high on the leaderboard. So we’re all at Jack’s house. Lisa and I were talking, and she goes, I can’t remember how it came up. She goes, “We’re in the business of confidence.” And I said, “Really?” And I thought, actually, I am. I’m in the business of confidence because it is when you’re starting to do media, it’s so intimidating that we think we have to be other than ourselves. That’s also when impostor syndrome comes up. And that’s comparing and despairing. We think we have to be like other people versus going deeper into who we are and expressing that in the world.
Andrea Guidelli: Well, I love that. I want to go back to something that is stuck in my head that you said a moment ago that the Imposter syndrome prevents you to being present. I was like, wait a minute, there’s much more behind it because I never related one thing with another. So, Susan, break it down for all of us, because many times if I reverse engineer, maybe I am not being present because I have imposter syndrome. It could be that instead of, oh, imposter syndrome is not even in my vocabulary. I’m just not present because I’m busy instead. Could you break that down for us?
Giving in to Imposter Syndrome Feeds Self-Centeredness
Susan Harrow: What happens when you’re present is you’re not thinking about yourself. I remember Philip Zimbardo, who did research on shyness. If somebody says they’re shy, they’re always thinking about themselves. What am I? What about me? What are people thinking about me?
We reverse that and women were really good at this because it’s about thinking, what are we here to give versus what does that person have that I don’t have?
When you start thinking about the gifts that you have to give, it shifts the whole energetic of it. And the other thing. I had a woman in my The Zen of Fame: Your Genius Gone Viral® course, and she didn’t say a peep for six months, but she was lurking so I could see where there were lurkers. There’s a nice way to stay lurking without talking to her. Somebody who’s there but never says anything. At the end, she said, “I never said anything because I didn’t think I was worthy.”
Everyone in the course was at different levels. So it’s not true. We had beginners to people who were experienced, but she felt “Oh, these people were so much bigger and better than her.” And she never said a word. She said, “But I took all of the principles that you talked about and took everything, and I applied it, and I want to start my own consulting business, and I wanted to get a job at the same time.” She said, “I was in an interview where it was super intimidating. It was video in person and audio.” She said, “And I used all of the principles that you taught me and I got the job and I got my first consulting gig and that was worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.” She said she shifted first of all, she never said a peep, but she absorbed it all and she learned it all.
Change the Energy of Imposter Syndrome to Worthiness + Self-Acceptance
I think that one of the things as women is that we don’t ask the question or we are in the background and that thinking that we’re not worthy or we’re comparing ourselves to other people so they get to ask the questions or they get to be in the spotlight and not us. Part of that when I’m talking about your presence is really the energetics of you and the feel of you. What you were talking about was about feeling that internal. A lot of what people are perceiving about us is how we feel about ourselves. Not necessarily we say, but we form that in a quarter of a second. We are really picking up on your lead, always show you feel about yourself. If you’re out of the present going, “Now I’m feeling crappy because I’m not as good as this other person,” then that’s going to change the energy right there of who you are and how somebody’s responding to you.
Andrea Guidelli: Many of the women that come in our Facebook community and we are now in a quote unquote media everywhere, right? If you’re not in the media, you don’t exist. In any social media channel, you don’t exist. People look for it to see if you really exist in a global setting. The challenge is that how can I honor celebrate my win and not feel that it’s like this self-promotion, it sounds that there is a boundary there because there are people that are self-promoting no matter what. That’s the mantra. At the same time you don’t want to dim your light or you want to really honor it. How do we find a middle ground, a balance or something that works?
Share Advice, Tips, Experience, Knowledge + Education to Be an In-Demand Media Guest
Susan Harrow: Part of it is really speaking about people’s accomplishments through you. You’re not talking like I’m so great, but you’re saying here’s what happened when somebody worked with me. Like you have an investment community and also you have accomplishments. I think that you can talk about both. Like this is how I accomplished what I have. This is how I have $60 million in property and so in a mode of sharing. In media, we want you to look at advice, your experience, so you can share your advice. You share the experience of yourself and your clients. The experiences that people or your clients or customers have with you and the accomplishments that they get through you. Accomplishments are either measurable or transformational, right? Measurable, we can talk about money, we can talk about the solid things that measure that we measure and then the other things is transformation.
I told the story from fear and unworthiness to confidence. That’s an internal transformation. And sometimes you have both. In that story that I told, that she has both, so she made monetary gain, she got something that she wanted, and she transformed inside.
Now, is that a static state? No. We always think just like with finding your joy or finding your peace in that moment, it’s about that kind of awareness in our consciousness, when we’ve taken ourselves out of the present or when we see ourselves comparing to another person. To get back to your question Andresa, that it’s sharing those stories that are of benefit to someone else. The biggest principle in media is what does my audience need to know now and how can I help? It’s that simple. Whoever is in front of you, that is what you’re going to be discussing.
It may be different for different audiences, but always in that spirit. Even if you’re talking about yourself, you’re not really talking about yourself. You’re speaking to the benefit of the person who you’re speaking to. I think if you shift that mindset, I’m not talking about me. I’m sharing this because I want to give something.
Women are really good givers to my audience. In that fashion, they’re going to learn something or they’re going to be inspired by it. What if we look at our accomplishments and talking about ourselves is inspiring others? It was a great quote. Let me just see if I can find it in my notes. I think it was from the Tao, so an old one, but I thought it was really beautiful. Yeah. I’m just going to try to see if I can’t search on my notes. Let me just tell you the essence of it.
I think this is so important as an example to our children and also an example to others, that when we become more of ourselves, we inspire others to become more of themselves. That that was the gist of it. The Tao, I think, said it more beautifully. But that is the gist of that. Yeah.
Liz Faircloth: Yeah. That’s very powerful. I think so much of we hear all the time we’ve interviewed different women and women who are just like, amazing right. In so many ways. Right. Successful, but down to earth. They talk about this may not call it imposter syndrome, but they’ll talk about doubt. They’ll talk about when they’re getting to the next level. They weren’t sure if they could do it. This just seems to be and I’m sure men have it too, certainly. What do you find to be like, what women can do to move through this? I’m sure there are some women who may not have this, but I know a lot of them that do and they’re very successful in their own right. What are some tangible ways of being or self-talk affirmations going within meditating? I mean, what have you seen to be some of the strategies to move through this made-up idea?
Because it really is a made up idea, right? I was talking to someone, and she said, you’re enough. She said, you’re literally enough for literally existing. Not because of your accomplishments or who you are, literally, just because you exist, you are enough. I was, that’s interesting. I guess my question to you is, what can women do to keep moving towards that, moving beyond that imposter syndrome?
Moving Beyond Self-Doubt to Let Go of Imposter Syndrome
Susan Harrow: It’s a great question. First of all, self-doubt is natural, and imposter syndrome is going to come up. Let’s just say, let’s just not put that in like a negative light anymore. That is just the way it is. As you move to the next level, it’s natural. If it’s not coming up, I’ll tell you what, if somebody comes to me and they want to work with me, or they want to take one of my courses and they’re not afraid, I’m worried. They think, oh, I’m going to be great with no practice. I’m concerned because I’m thinking, then you have no idea what’s in store for you. You have no idea, you haven’t practiced it. And so it’s really healthy. I was just listening to research by Kevin Cokley on self-doubt, and he said that “Men and women have it equally.” Now it comes out more with women, and I think we talk about it more.
I can tell you, even when Mandy created this course for imposter syndrome, which is different than what we’re talking about today, and she put it out on LinkedIn, a bunch of men signed up. Wait a minute, I geared the class just for women. What are all these men doing in here? I have clients, I have male clients who have admitted to that too.
I think it’s below the surface, but for women, I think it’s much more predominant and it comes out in more insidious ways and more regularly. One of the ways that I think it comes out, I was talking to a colleague who does improv in corporations, and she said women are afraid to speak up at meetings. They’re afraid to take the step.
We have that research that if applying for a job a woman will have, I think it was 100% of the qualities, and men apply with only 30% of the qualifications.
You were saying, what can we do to start to shift that? I work with clients and course participants with a lot of internal practices that they do on a regular basis. So it’s not one thing. It is a process of awareness. One of the things that people can do right now, this is a process that Kim D’Eramo who is a physician, who shifts people really quickly using tapping, came up with this really nicely. I think this is a super simple thing that we can do.
A is for awareness. We become aware when we have those thoughts.
B is breathing. What happens is when we do this or this person’s on a panel and they just said what I said, they’re way more accomplished than I am. So that’s the breath. So we take the breath. It’s the same in a media appearance. It’s when you get caught up, breathe, take a breath and ground yourself.
The third thing is C— is change, is choice, is choosing another thought, choosing another action.
We’re aware of that, and I can tell you since I am a black belt in Aikido and on the Aikido floor, first of all, I’m not graceful. It’s not pretty. It was one of the best and worst experiences of my life. I can tell you that on the Aikido floor, okay, what would happen is I was a beginner, and I was so bad, even though I was a teaching tennis pro and I’m an athlete and all of that. What would happen in the beginning is you bow to the person next to you and people would get up. I would turn to bow to the person next to me. They would literally get up and run to train with another person because they didn’t want to train with me. It was so painful.
And I recognized that. And I’m like, okay. And so that was horrifying to me. Right. To not think about that every time I got on the mat, is somebody going to run up and jump up away from me? Because I’m so bad.
I had to train myself to go, okay, that’s a fear. Okay, if it happens, do I have a strategy? Can I not take that personally? That’s a huge one. Because I understand. I wouldn’t want to train with me either. So what can I do? Well, I can sit next to people. See, I strategize that I can sit next to people who I knew that probably wouldn’t jump up. I knew the jumpers.
I think that process of internalization and then there’s practices. Yes. Meditation. Yes. There’s also I trained to be certified on something called the One Command, which we did actually, Liz, really quickly in that little wisdom group.
That’s a practice, too. I think the practice of prayer, meditation, any kind of transformational process like what you did, even with Kelly, but to practice those on a regular basis, it’s not a one time thing. Because to grow our spirit and to grow our talent and to grow our internal self, which is what we’re talking about, it’s a daily practice. If I could just share some research on that. I already knew this because media training people. It is a practice of role play and getting used to the feeling of it, the emotion of it. What happens when somebody jams you up with a question that’s too personal or too aggressive or you’re surprised and (Susan’s making a surprised face)
You freak or you fight flight, freeze, and freak and deer in the headlights? And so it’s a process of practicing. What happened with this research with I don’t know how you pronounce her name, but it’s Judy Woodzitka is she put people in a situation of imagining a situation of being in a job interview for sexual harassment. And every woman said, I’d stand up. I would say this, I’d do that. When they put them in the situation, nobody spoke about why? Because there’s a gap between being in the hot seat in a real situation and not experiencing it. That’s why when I work with clients and course participants, I do role play and I put them through the actual scenario. You probably do that, too, in real estate. It’s how do you negotiate a deal? You’ve got to go through it and think about all the worst case scenarios, questions, all the things that somebody might ask, to do it.
What they found is women didn’t speak up. Why not? Because they didn’t feel the emotion. They didn’t anticipate the emotion. Those are the things that we want to do, that we want to practice. Where do we feel imposter syndrome, start to know where our trigger points and flashpoints are that set that up, that we can practice them? The solution George Lowenstein founds, no surprise to any of us is it’s in the practice and the iteration of it. I’m media training people, one of the processes that we go through is we go through this roleplay. They do a podcast, or they do a panel or they’re on national TV, and then we look at that and say, what did you do? Well, what do you want to keep? What did you love about yourself? Which is what a lot of people have a hard time saying.
They want to go right to the criticism, right? It’s like, what did you love about yourself? What did you love that you did? Then, what do you want to shift for next time? So it’s an iterative process. It’s not judgment or self-criticism. I could have done that better. Let me try it again. We role play at the new way so it gets in your mental and muscle memory, because that’s the thing. It’s getting you want to get it in on a cellular level. It’s not intellectual what were talking about in the beginning, about joy and feel and peace. It’s in the body. It’s in your whole being. It’s not just in your mind.
Andresa Guidelli: I love it. And I. Know, so many real estate investors that are just a thought process about being on TV is like horrifying. Even a podcast is really horrifying. I say, we need to have you on our podcast run. It’s just us. It’s just like thinking about that. We are having a coffee or something. Just talk to me as you talk to me every day and tell this story the way that you’re telling me this story right now. There’s this mental phrase that happens that they are just blocked. One thing that I say to everybody is “Listen, I can share my story and I can relate to immigrants with women who get divorced from toxic relationships, overcoming different things, people that are in construction, I can relate to those.” Liz can relate to a different type of women. Like I cannot relate to yours, right?
This came up over and over again. Learn. Years ago when were in a conference where there was no representation whatsoever of women on stage, and we started having this conversation during lunch that we put together. We should all talk about this. This woman came to me and said, listen, I’m very successful, under the radar. I don’t need to be on stage. I don’t need to be on podcast. I don’t need to be anywhere else. I told her, “Listen, let me propose a different point of view. This is not even about you. It’s about how can you inspire others with your story? I cannot be you, you cannot be me. You’re going to inspire a little girl or another woman that is going through the same thing through your story.” Liz and I at the beginning of our podcast. First of all, we were……what podcast is, right?
We should know. We recorded our first episode. Please don’t listen to that. No, go ahead, listen to that. It’s fun a hundred times. We’re always looking to improve our strategies. Don’t expect to be on a podcast and have this like, “Oh, my gosh!” We all feel nervous about it. But I want to focus. I want all the women that are listening right now. And, I have conversations with you. You’re going to be on our podcast to share.
Susan Harrow: Women are going to be on our podcast.
Andresa Guidelli: You’re going to be right, because I want to prove the person that told Liz and I that were going to run out of women, we are proving them wrong for years.
Media Training Backed By Neuroscience
Susan Harrow: I love that you said, this is, by the way, neuroscience proves this. I really love that you said that if you just speak naturally like you’re speaking to me and just be on our podcast. What I had noticed 32 years of this is that when people relaxed and when they just spoke naturally, the stories came out almost perfect. In those days, there wasn’t neuroscience to prove it, but I had thousands of people, experienced with thousands of people, so I knew it was true, but it was relaxing and dropping down into the unconscious mind. Not thinking about how am I coming across? Not thinking about me. It’s really, again, just communicating and connecting with the other person. And that was the key. Their stories came out almost perfect, and we just had to do of shaping with them. One thing that people can do for your podcast is that, they can do this in an imaginative too, Liz, is that imagine and feel that you’re with good friends, which you two are when you’re speaking, so you’re not thinking about the millions of people that are going to be listening to this incredible podcast.
You’re just thinking about connecting with you, Andresa, or you, Liz, and we’re just having this conversation, so you can really bring it just to the one and same with media, you’re just connecting with the host because if you get that connection with the host, everybody feels it. I don’t know if we talked about this, Liz, in Cancun at the conference, but when you’re speaking, if you look into the eyes of just one person at a time and really connect and just do that slowly, 10 seconds, 20 seconds with each person, the whole room feels it. You don’t have to scan the room and look at everyone. It’s that one-to-one feeling that expands out to everyone. It’s the same in media, connecting with the host and feeling that. The other thing I want to say about that is intention, setting your intention first.
What do I want? Who do I want to reach? Who do I want to communicate with? For example that woman? I want to inspire girls who are five or really thinking about that before you actually do the interview is, who do I want to connect? What’s my deepest intention? How do I want to serve? Who do I want to connect with? That, again, takes you out of yourself and into a different state of being. Can I tell the stories that are going to connect with other people that are going to be helpful in some way? Shifting that mindset right there to not be “I’m going to be so nervous and I have to be great” because you’re not going to be great. It’s just how would you expect to run a marathon without walking a mile? You can’t. It’s practicing. Part of the mindset is that but then you have to train your body to your mind, too.
They’re both right. You can think about that all you want, but there’s the action component that needs to be connected to it. You can think about how great you are. I tell these stories, but no, you must actually say them out loud. You have to actually do the process of the podcast.
Liz Faircloth: Yeah, I love that and it can get very overwhelming because I think what you’re saying is so relevant and it makes so much sense. People I need to be who my authentic self is. I don’t know if anyone would disagree with that, but then they look on social media or they look on Facebook and they see what other people are doing and so they say, well, maybe I should do that strategy. Maybe that takes less off of their own authentic approach. So that’s a balancing act. I don’t know if it’s a balancing act. I don’t know if it’s a people.
Susan Harrow: Let’s reframe that because, yes, look at other people but say, can I embody that? That something that is that in alignment with who I am?
Be super bubbly or super animated. If that’s not you, then that’s not something you want to take away. If you inspire that in someone and you want to work toward that and you thought, wow, can I be more lively? Maybe? let me try that on and then try it on and see how it feels. Because we all know if you’re going to be a fakerton. We all know if it doesn’t feel right for you.
Andresa Guidelli: The audience knows when it’s not right, something off. Sometimes you can grab it. I want to have to talk to you very quickly about, like you mentioned, about being prepared and know your intention. Some people feel that sometimes a script or plan out story sounds fake or restrain them. To me, that gives me more confidence since I know what it is, what is coming up. If I can make that feel that it was on the fly, then I am good. I think that a lot of people, we get to know ourselves when we are on a podcast, when we are on a panel on stage, we get to know ourselves in a different way. Years and years ago when I did an exercise with Tony Robbins coach and he asked us to imagine and feel a lot of the feelings, I saw myself on stage and I was just beginning, starting investing in real estate.
I was, I got it wrong. Mine didn’t work. I had a vision that I was on stage. That’s not making any sense. Well, that’s what I thought. What could I think about it, right? When I was on stage, several times, this fun person comes out and some jokes. I told Lis, who is this person that makes certain jokes? When people left, I felt, oh, I’ll repeat that again next time and see if that works. It’s just like having fun too, so and it is important for us to share our authentic self. If you’re having fun, the audience is connecting with you. It takes a lot of time to pretend to be somebody else on Instagram or whatever. I rather be myself. I have some things very specific. I call them like stars that I need to like Mario Kart. I need to tap on those topics, and I have that I got to bounce it out, right?
Somebody asks a question, I’ll be, “Oh, my gosh, that’s a great throw a ball and have some fun with it.” For the women that are listening, you are in this world, right? So be who you are and whatever.
Plan, Prepare, Practice Your Key Media Messages or Talking Points
Susan Harrow: Some things that were super important. Should you prepare? Absolutely. Plan, prepare, and practice so you can be free to be spontaneous. Do you want to have those Mario stars? You need to have the Mario stars. Those are your key messages that you want to convey in any interview, and we work on that first. Before you connect with the media, before you call up a podcast, you want to know what your message is and why that’s important to the audience, how it connects to the audience. You have your message, but it can’t just be a message in a vacuum. It’s a message that connects to your audience. Then, yes, you have stories, statistics, facts, and yet all a different variety of things that are interesting that you weave into the conversation if you don’t get those in. Okay, do you want to, and do you want to tell the same exact story in the same way?
No, because there’s the beauty of it. I mean, as a media trainer, do I want you to tell those stories? Of course I do. Do I want them to sound free? Yes. Do I want you to sound like an autonomaton? No. If you tell the same exact stories on every single media interview, then people are not going to trust you. So it has the opposite effect. You need to have a variety of stories and then constantly refreshing them. For example, what’s going on in the culture today? One of the things that I have for you, I don’t know if you want to hear it, but I found a clip of Michelle Obama talking about how she has imposter syndrome. I was looking for brand new things. You always want to be looking for the brand new and with the kinds of things that are important to tell your audience and looking for those new stories that maybe say the same point.
They’re different stories, and you’re all evolving. So you do have new stories. You have new people that things that happen in your membership or things that happen in your business, in your life that you’re constantly bringing to the podcast, right? So it’s new. Do you have touchstones? Do you have regular stories that are so great you need to tell them over and over again. Yes, you have those too.
Liz Faircloth: I love that. That’s a really good point. Especially when people are preparing for media, would you say, for the women listening media appearances, publicity? Sometimes a lot of women we talk to are, “Well, that’s for women who just got a book or who really have a big business” or I mean, would you disagree with that? How would you suggest women, the power of publicity really going after it? I don’t know, I think people think it’s for some people and for not a lot of other people. I’m curious to get your thoughts on that, especially for the women we’re serving, because it seems it would be beneficial to more than are taking advantage of it.
Susan Harrow: It’s really for the people who think that it’s not for them, because those are the ones that are usually more thoughtful and more fearful and not the person. If somebody comes to me and says, “I want to be famous.” I don’t want them as a client.
Liz Faircloth: True.
Publicity is the Fastest Way to Build Your Business + Brand
Susan Harrow: Yeah. I’m someone who’s devoted to something, to the most important things. I mean, my perfect client, my ideal client is the person who really has the capacity to make a difference, to make changes in the world’s most pressing problems. That’s my ideal client. People who are preventing world hunger, solving world hunger, sexual slavery, banking, our banking system so we can all have a living wage. Those are things that are super fascinating to me. A good bar of chocolate or a snack, too. Yes. Or some exciting artistic thing. Yes. The first thing is publicity is for everyone. It’s still the fastest way to make your star rise. The very fastest way, because you never know who’s listening and so never turned down an opportunity. The second part of that is that the only thing that’s between you and publicity is the connection between what a host or a journalist wants that you have the answer to.
So there’s a great resource list. I don’t know if you have this or Andresa, but it’s called Haro Help a Reporter Out. Not like my last name, H-A-R-R-O-W but H-A-R-O. And it’s help a reporter out. It’s free, it’s queries. All of your people, all of you women can subscribe to that free. It’s in categories. There’s a category of finance, there’s also category of lifestyle, but it has leads every day of reporters that need sources. You’re the source. If you have answer to those questions, you can be immediately quoted in the New York Times tomorrow if you have the right answer. Much is done via email, so you don’t actually have to talk to people most of the time. A lot of that is via email. You can just take that out of the equation. It’s a great way to start and then, yes, start to book yourself, come to and Andresa’s and Liz’s, come here and do the podcast because they’re going to be nice to you.
They’re going to be sweet to you. Start sweet and start small and then start to build. So don’t go to the biggest podcast. If you’re starting a campaign yourself, go to the tiniest one and start to get that practice. That’s the walk. Walk the mile before you do the marathon. It’s the same with media. Don’t go to the Today show or CNN first. Start in your local market, starting your local show. Start small and start to build those muscles so you can get used to it. But that’s a super great resource. There’s one called Source Bottle, which is Australian England, and there seems to be a lot about investing in that, by the way, so I sent that to Mandy and someone else. So that’s a great one, too. I’ve seen quite a bit in there. Yeah.
Liz Faircloth: Source Bottle.
Liz Faircloth: Help a reporter out. I love that.
Susan Harrow: Yeah.
Liz Faircloth: Got my wheels turning, too. We’re preparing for doing things right. Like this. History month. My wheels are turning for our own community. It’s great stuff.
Newsjack a Topic or Angle that Ties into a Holiday, Event or Special Calendar Day to Be Publicity Relevant
Susan Harrow: That’s a great point. Anything that’s topical that also narrows your focus and helps you out. Do you have angle, you have a built-in angle with Women’s History Month with Bring a Daughter to Work.
Liz Faircloth: Absolutely.
Susan Harrow: Look for those things where you’re connecting to what’s going on in the culture today and what is like right now, women’s ecology, economy is super-hot because we’re talking about women in the workforce, we’re talking about childcare, we’re talking about how women can start their own businesses. Your topics are super topical on how to empower women financially, because they’re the ones that I just heard. Another statistic. Women know how to bounce back and to be resilient and to support their families. And men don’t. Not wholly. Men will sound, “Oh, my God, I lost my job. I don’t know what to do.” Women will be, “I lost my job. I need to figure out a way to feed my family.”
Liz Faircloth: Susan, this has been awesome. Thank you so much.
Susan Harrow: We got to move already? That’s so sad.
Liz Faircloth: I know, right? We got to do more with you, of course. Where can the ladies listening learn more about you, Susan?
Susan Harrow: They can go to prsecrets.com. It goes publicrelationscrets.com. I have lots of free resources there and videos and special reports, so you can start anywhere, wherever you’re ready.
Andresa Guidelli: Awesome. All this information you guys can find on our show notes. Now we’re going to transition to our fabulous three questions. The first one, Susan, is what’s the most powerful book you ever read?
Susan Harrow: So I heard you ask this question. I was really thinking about it. The book that I read every year is called The Path of the…..what is it? By Chögyam Trungpa, The Sacred Path of the Warrior. To me, that is all of the background ways of being to step forth into your full resplendence or your full abundance.
Andresa Guidelli: Now, we’re going to talk about routines. What’s the most transformational routine that you do to create a financially free and balanced life, whatever balance means to you.
Susan Harrow: I have a morning routine, and after routine. In the morning when I wake up, I typically do tapping or one command and then meditation before I get out of bed, because once I get out of bed, all these things. I do that in bed. I do either a combination of those things and I also do practices when I’m walking. I do certain prayer practices, but I also do one specific prayer that I just saw. Now, there’s new research on they’re calling it a connection prayer, but it’s old. It’s a very ancient Buddhist thing, and it’s just wishing people well may be sold with loving kindness, may be well, may I be peaceful entities, may be happy. I say it for all beings. May everyone be filled with loving kindness. May they be well, may they be peaceful entities, may they be happy.
Part of this is self-nourishment, but it’s also nourishing others and thinking kind thoughts toward others, which that, again, is a practice to do. I always do it. No. Do I have negative thoughts toward other people? Yes.
By myself? Yes. That’s part of the practice is the noticing and the shifting those thoughts. Now there’s research about that prayer that really creates connection with yourself and with others.
Andresa Guidelli: Awesome. The last question is which woman, famous or not, has inspired you the most?
Susan Harrow: There’s a woman who was in the very beginning of this movement of New Thought called Florence Scovel Shinn, and I just looked it up to see. She was born in the 1800s. A lot of the New Thought. I don’t want to call it positive thinking, but a lot of the kinds of practices that are now, in the vernacular that Tony Robbins does in everyone, they came from people like Florence Scovel Shinn. And who’s heard of her? No one. Right. When I read that, it’s a little odd. It’s old, you know, a book. I was like, this is mind training. That’s what I love about Chögyam Trungpa, too. It’s training the mind in these different aspects. And that’s really it. We train the mind, we train the body, we train the spirit.
Liz Faircloth: I love it. Susan, thank you so much for being on the show. Thanks for sharing all your wonderful wisdom, and we so appreciate your time.
Susan Harrow: Thank you so much.
Andresa Guidelli: If you enjoyed this podcast and want to receive updates on our next interviews, go to our website, The Real Estate InvestHER.com. There you can subscribe to our show, become part of our investor community, and get updates on upcoming episodes.
Liz Faircloth: If you like our show, please share it with other women who would benefit. Don’t forget to leave us a rating on iTunes. We’d really appreciate it, and as always, we encourage you to take one action as a result of today’s show and put it into motion so you can live both a financially free and balanced life. Thanks for spending time with us. Ciao.
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